Jeremy G. Pippin

Dear Latest Paparazzi Distraction, Congratulations on winning the “Angelina Jolie Third-World Child Adoption” sweepstakes. You will now be treated to the life of a normal American child… Except that your mother will never be home, you’ll have more money than God, and your every footfall will be recorded by the media for the viewing entertainment [...]

Dear Cool Blog Name Readers, Hi. Are you enjoying my site? Everything okay, navigational menus, pop-up images, all that? Can I get you guys anything to drink? Okay, great. Let’s get down to business, then, shall we?

Dear P. Did, no.. wait. Puff Diddy? No, Puffy Did? No. Sean Diddy? No, wait. Piddy, Puff Pid, Duffy… Pud… Oh, fuck it already. Love, Pip

Dear Emily, I know it’s been some years since I’ve spoken to you, and you probably assumed I’d gotten past it by now, but I need some closure. I couldn’t tell you this before because I was too close to it; I needed time and space to gather myself and recover enough to say this [...]

I hate how dry it gets this time of year. I had to get up to turn the humidifier on the other night just to get a little sleep. When it gets this arid, and sinuses dry up, a funny thing happens. My girlfriend begins to make this horrible noise in her sleep. It’s so [...]

Dear Roosevelt Avenue Subway Announcer, Mwi mwood mwnnk tnhh thanhk yrrrh frmhm th bnnntmmm mf mh hrrrt. Yrhhh dlly annnmmmnnts rrr extrmmmmlhhh yrrrsfhhhl. Love, Pip

Today, I’d like to take a moment to pay my respects to the greatest gizmo of all time: The Nintendo Power Glove. For those of you who don’t remember, the Power Glove was released as a peripheral to the Nintendo Entertainment System in 1989. That is also, coincidentally, when it entered my heart.

Dear Kid Who Pushed Past Me At Target To Grab The Last Cart, Your hair looks stupid. Love, Pip

Dear Guy In Front of Me At The Drive-Thru, You know when they say “Order when you’re ready?” I hate to be the one to inform you of this, but they don’t really mean it. It’s code for “Start talking, asswipe.” Maybe if they could say that out loud, the job would be worth the [...]

I pulled up to a stoplight today, and was surprised (as anyone would be) to find my bowels loosening. On further inspection, I found that my teeth were chattering as well, and my brainwaves were being forced into a subtle rhythm that made me slightly nauseated. Heeeeey-Ya. It was the Escalade (surprise!) stopped next to [...]