Hi there! I’m the guy behind you in line. We should know each other pretty well by now, considering I’ve been standing back here with my roll of Tums for about half an hour.
No, please… take your time arguing with the guy at the cash register. I’m enjoying all the headlines of [...]
Found this post in an old blog while conducting an internet enema, and it filled me with nostalgia for the days before smartphones. Thought I’d re-post it.
Last week, I found myself shivering with cold sweats. It had been ages since I had spent a ridiculous amount of money on a marginally useful gadget. So, despite [...]
Dear Creepy Street-Corner Mime,
I just want a word to explain to you why I reacted the way I did when you playfully “discovered” an invisible wall in front of me on the street the other day. I admit that kicking you in the testicles and running away screaming like a girl was an indecorous [...]
I know that you do not know your own names; in fact, you may know yourselves better as “Holy Shit” and “You Little Bastard,” respectively. Chloe & Toby are the names I gave you upon adoption, however – the ones you cheerfully ignore on a daily basis.
There are a few matters that I would like [...]
Enough is enough. That freakin’ rabbit has been trying to get some Trix for 40 years now. Isn’t it time to quit being a prick about it?
“Trix are for kids?” Seriously. It’s a $3 box of crappy, unreasonably-colored sugar balls with little to no nutritional value. A cartoon rabbit is about the only thing [...]
Is 4th grade level grammar and spelling too much to ask? Really?
Love, Pip
P.S. I will hire a hacker to break into the iTunes account database and find the personal address of the next fucker who posts a review saying “should i wach this show? click YES if u think i should [...]
Why. Why. Why. Why?
Wh- but why? Why would you… why? Why. Why. WHY.
You’re a semi-moderate… why? Why. Why? I don’t underst… why? What were you going for, the neo-conservative vote? Who else were they going to vote for, Obama? They’re neo-cons – as a rule, they don’t like black people, much less liberal, free-thinking ones. [...]
Jeremy Pippin is a writer and web consultant living in the New York metropolitan area.
