How To… Make Your Own Media Baby
Because the world doesn’t have enough screwed-up kids.
Dear Geena Davis
Stop having plastic surgery. Now.
Dear Pax Thien,
Dear Latest Paparazzi Distraction, Congratulations on winning the “Angelina Jolie Third-World Child Adoption” sweepstakes. You will now be treated to the life of a normal American child… Except that your mother will never be home, you’ll have more money than God, and your every footfall will be recorded by the media for the viewing entertainment [...]
Dear Mr. Combs
Dear P. Did, no.. wait. Puff Diddy? No, Puffy Did? No. Sean Diddy? No, wait. Piddy, Puff Pid, Duffy… Pud… Oh, fuck it already. Love, Pip
Elton Octopus
Doc Ock and Elton John. Coincidence? I think not. Have you ever seen them in a room together? Not I.
Summertime inquiry
Bradley can’t answer, but maybe somebody else can: Exactly what are the qualifications necessary to represent the LBC? And don’t they take your qualifications away if they find out that your woman spreads her lovin’ all over and you don’t do anything about it?
An ode to NIN
I’m hearing your song On the line Keep getting it on 101.9 I turn the dial My surprise That crap is also blaring out of 98.5.
